


Love

by cookie_cookie_cookie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Alpha Castiel (Supernatural), Alpha Castiel/Omega Dean Winchester, Angst, Anxiety, Couch Cuddles, Grumpy Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Omega Dean, Parenthood, Stay-at-Home Parent Dean Winchester, Suicidal Thoughts, Temper Tantrums, Timeouts, some yelling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:34:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26640724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cookie_cookie_cookie/pseuds/cookie_cookie_cookie
Summary: Dean is having a rough day at home with the kids, between his two-year-old's temper tantrums and his six-year old's feisty attitude. But then his mate is here to save the day.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 205





	Love

**Author's Note:**

> I took note of some mistakes and now this story is FULLY EDITED! Enjoy :)

**THURSDAY, 11 AM**

Darren wailed from all the way in the living room as Dean tried to clean up the spilled gummy bears. Cas and Dean's two-and-a-half-year-old son had decided to rip open a bag of gummy bears and dump it all over the floor after asking for—no, _demanding—_ them. Dean should've known; Darren had a habit of dumping his snacks on the floor for no apparent reason other than to get on Dean's nerves. He was thankful that Jessie, Darren's older sister, had gone to school. He didn't know if he could handle another day of having to chase the kids around the house all while trying to keep the house clean, cook food, and study for his exams. Dean's kneecaps ached as they pressed into the hardwood floor. His head was pounding. He barely got enough sleep last night—hell, he hadn't slept at _all_ for the last few nights. Plus, they were out of the good coffee, so Dean had to settle for crappy insta-coffee. 

_Fan-fucking-tastic._

A heavy thud sounded from the living room. With an exasperated sigh, Dean plucked the last of the gummy bears off the floor and set them on the counter before stalking into the living room. Darren was standing in the middle of the room, shirt bunched up above his round belly, sucking his hand as the portable radio laid on the floor. Dean closed his eyes and groaned before kneeling to pick it up. He inspected it for any marks or splinters before bunching up the cord and setting it on top of the bookshelf. 

"Daddy, I wan' a snack."

"No. I already gave you a snack and you dumped it all over the floor."

"But I hungyyyy!"

Dean sighed again.

"I'll make you lunch, okay?"

Darren whined and started to stomp his feet. "No, daddy, I wan' gummy beawwwwws!"

Dean grit his teeth, trying to keep himself from snapping, and then took a deep breath. He turned to the toddler and kneeled in front of him.

"Look, baby, I can't keep getting you snacks if you're just gonna dump them all over the floor, okay?" His words were lost on toddler ears as the boy jumped up and down, wailing, then dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes and started rolling around. Dean wanted to roll around the floor crying, too. He sighed as he stood and then marched back to the pantry. He grabbed another pack of gummy bears, knowing deep down he was gonna regret this.

"Here." Darren stopped for a moment and sat up. He reached up and made grabby hands. As Dean stood to go back to the kitchen, he heard the pack of gummy bears plop to the floor. Darren started to whine again.

"I no wan' gummy beaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwssssss!" Dean pushed air through his nostrils as he turned to snatch them back off the floor.

"Fine! Then you're not getting them!"

"But I wan' em..."

"WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!" Dean exploded. "DO YOU WANT THE DAMN GUMMY BEARS OR NOT?!" Darren threw his head back and bawled harder. Dean mentally kicked himself, slumping to the ground and watching his two-year-old screech like a banshee, dressed in his grey spiderman pajamas. He didn't know if he could handle having a third child. He was three months along—back pains, worsening nausea, aching breasts, and terrible headaches. He just wanted to crawl back into bed right now and bury himself under the blankets until all of this was over. The phone rang.

_Now what?!_

He got up and headed over to snatch the phone off its cradle. He checked the caller ID. It was Jessie's school.

_Fuck!_

"Hello," he answered in his best polite voice. The woman started to talk, but Dean could barely hear her over the sound of his son screaming. "Hold on one second." He cupped his hand over the speaker. 

"QUIET!"

Darren just screamed louder. With a huff, Dean marched out of the room and into the laundry room. He hoisted himself onto the washing machine and pulled the door closed. 

"I'm sorry, you were saying?"

The woman spoke again.

"Your daughter had gotten into a fight with another kid in school. Would you please come in for a moment?" Dean sighed. He had to study for his exam, which was in three days, and he'd barely gotten through two chapters. He'd have to cancel his third therapy appointment this month for enough to study. 

"Of course. I'll be in there in about fifteen minutes." _Hopefully,_ he mentally added as he hung up. Dean headed back into the living room.

"Darren, get up! Get your shoes. Let's go!"

"Noooooo!"

_This was gonna be a long fucking day._

\----

"Why did you push him?" he asked Jessie, who was sitting on the couch, pouting. She didn't even bother looking at him. Dean had set Darren in the playroom with all of his toys. Dean didn't have time for this; he needed to study for his test. He huffed.

"Jessie, when I ask you a question, you need to answer me. Why did you push him?" 

"Cuz he was bein' a dick!" she shouted.

"Hey! Watch your mouth!" The girl crossed her arms and stared at her feet dangling at the edge of the couch. 

Dean sat back.

"Jessie, do you want me to ground you again? Because I will." She didn't answer; she just stared at her knees. Dean let out a resigned sigh.

"Alright. Fine. That's two weeks without TV."

"BUT THAT'S NOT FAIIIIRRRRR!!!!" 

"Well, you know what, Jess? Life's not fair!" Dean turned to walk away.

"I HATE YOU!" Jessie screamed. Dean fought back a flinch. No matter how many times she'd screamed it at him whenever she got in trouble, it never ceased to break his heart. He pushed a sigh and went into the kitchen to make her a sandwich. They hadn't served lunch yet, so she was probably starving.

\-----

Jessie sat in the dining room, doing her homework, as Dean skimmed through the page of his e-textbook. He had put Darren down for his afternoon nap (it took fifteen painful minutes, enduring more wailing). His mind was too exhausted to focus on the text; it was just line after line of blurred numbers and letters. He tried to blink back into focus, reading the same paragraph over and over again. He glanced at the clock on his phone and sighed. Cas wouldn't be home for another couple hours. He thought about calling his office number, even though he was most likely in a meeting. Dean rubbed the inner corners of his eyes and sniffed. 

"DAAAAADDDD!!!!!"

Dean huffed through his nostrils.

"Yeah?"

"DADDY!" He shut his laptop and set it on the coffee table before heading into the dining room. 

"Yes, baby?"

"I need help with this question." He pulled a seat next to her. "Okay, what is the question?" As she read the question off to him and asked him, he found himself almost dozing off. He rubbed at his eyes and asked her to read the question again. He tried to help her work through the math problem, but whenever she got something wrong, she threw her pencil down and started crying. Dean rubbed at the temples of his forehead before getting up to grab himself an aspirin and a bottle of water. Next thing he knew, there was a loud thud from the playroom, followed by wailing. He jogged into the playroom, leaving Jessie in the dining room, crying hysterically over a mess of crumpled leaflets.

Dean found Darren curled in a ball, holding his face, shrieking so loud his face was bright red. Dean kneeled down next to him. "Baby, what's wrong?" He pulled his son onto his lap and rubbed his back as the boy shrieked

"I fawwed dowwnnn! I was gon' go pwayin' wif my toys an-an-an' I fawwed doooowwwwwwn!" Dean gathered his boy into his arms and took him into the kitchen to get an ice pack. 

"DADDY! I NEED HELP WITH MY HOMEWOOORRRRK!"

"In a minute, Jessie!"

"NOOOOWWWWW!!!!!"

"I said in a minute!" He set Darren on the counter and went to the freezer to grab an ice pack. Thankfully his boy didn't hit his head or anything. He wrapped it in a paper towel and asked him where it hurt. As he started to patch Darren up, he heard Jessie in the dining room hopping off the chair and running off into another room. He pouted.

"Hey! Get back in the dining room and..." With a resigned huff, he returned his attention to his toddler, who was now swinging his legs and sucking his thumb. When he was finished with Darren, he lifted the boy to his hip and took him back into his playroom. As the boy waddled to his car set, he heard a loud crash coming from the living room. "For pete's sake!"

\---

The day went on, each minute worse than the last. The kids played in the playroom as Dean scrubbed toothpaste off the bathroom sink and unclogged Jessie's toilet. He tried letting them outside, but then Darren decided to try and climb over the neighbor's fence. The neighbor, a grouchy and distasteful old woman, screeched at Dean about his "damn kids." Dean barely managed through a few pages in the textbook before Darren had dropped Dean's cell phone in the toilet after playing with it (luckily, the bag of rice trick worked). Jessie had a fit and started throwing books around in her room, and Dean had to clean up after her and put her in time out. He locked himself in the bathroom and had a panic attack, hearing his father's words in his head again.

_'Fucking dumb whore. You can't even do a single thing right, can you? I swear, the only thing you're ever good at is spreading your legs like a cheap slut. You might as well get a job at one of those whorehouses."_

**_Crack!_ **

_He feels the back of his father's meaty hand coming across his face._

Dean's breath started to pick up. He could feel his cheek throbbing, tasting iron against the tip of his tongue. Suddenly, his heart is fucking racing and buzzing. His head spins. Everything around him becomes too dark, too light, to loud! It didn't help when Darren came running to the bathroom to bang on the door because he wanted to play with Dean's phone again. After fifteen minutes, he finally managed to collect himself and head out of the bathroom. He tried to help Jessie with her homework again but then she just tore the worksheets and leaflets up in a fit of frustration and ran out of the room. Dean had to clean up the mess and make a mental note to himself to contact the school. 

\---

When evening came, the sound of the front door opening wasn't enough to appease Dean's mood. Darren, who was just on the floor playing with his transformers, and Jessie, who was just scribbling in one of her notebooks, dropped what they were doing and barreled over to latch themselves around Cas's legs. Cas looked down and smiled.

"Hey, babies! How are my favorite little ones?" Jessie and Darren babbled excitedly at Cas as he scooped them up to cover their faces in goofy kisses. Dean stared at the screen of his computer, numb, mentally and physically drained. There was no way he could pass his exams. There was no way he can graduate this course. Why did he even bother trying? He could hear his father's voice again.

 _You think you're gonna get a college degree?_ followed by booming laughter and, _some knothead bitch who can barely keep his legs closed getting a college degree? Yeah, I'd love to see that._

Dean didn't even have what it took to be a good father. He was too fragile, too childish and unpractical. How could he a good father if he didn't even know what one looked like? All he knew was a dilapidated house, drunken rage, little to no food or running water, and sneaking out only to find clothes in the Goodwill box in the street. Any instance of tender love was snuffed in a blink of an eye; his Uncle Bobby, the only person in his life who actually saw him as a kid, shot himself dead months after his wife had died. 

Dean was seven years old. 

The omega sighed. He should not have decided to have kids. He knew from the minute he looked at the lines on the pregnancy test that he was setting himself up for failure. He kept picturing Jessie and Darren in the streets, groveling for money, barely clothed, covered in cuts and bruises, having to depend on sleazy alphas and betas to put food on the table. Following the same path as Dean. Even though he knew he had Cas, he knew deep down he would find a way to screw it up. 

Maybe Cas was better off without him. Maybe Jessie and Darren would be happier if he were gone.

With a sigh, Dean pushed himself off of the couch and went into the bedroom. He shut the door behind him and lumbered to the bed. He squeezed his eyes shut to fight tears. He couldn't let Cas see him like this. He couldn't have Cas having to comfort him again. Cas had enough on his plate between a full-time job and organizing family affairs and dealing with his older brothers. He didn't need Dean burdening him, too.

Dean laid on his back and stared dumbly at the ceiling. For a moment, he wasn't a person. He didn't have a body. Not a whisper of a thought, not a flicker of a memory. not a feeling in his nerves, not a beat of a heart. He wasn't asleep, and he wasn't awake; he was just nowhere. As close to death as you can possibly get. He drifted in the still air like a blind, numb, and deaf ghost. Being everywhere and nowhere.

_Is this what it's like to stop existing? To finally be at peace?_

Maybe this is peace.

The bed dipped next to him, pulling him back into the real world. Dean shifted over and watched the muscles on his Alpha's back flex as he bent to pull his shoes off. Cas was an angel. A divine being. Beautiful both inside and outside. And Dean sure as hell didn't deserve him. 

Dean sat up with a grunt.

"Hey, Cas."

Cas turned to smile softly at him.

"Hey, Dean. You looked awfully upset when I came home. What's wrong?" Dean pressed his tongue between his teeth. He couldn't be a burden to Cas. Not anymore. It wasn't until he felt Cas brushing a thumb against his cheek that he realized he was crying. Sobs broke out, punctuated with hiccups, and then bubbled out until they came pouring like a waterfall. Cas encircled Dean and pulled him to his shoulder. Dean turned to press his nose to Cas's scenting gland, trying to inhale Alpha's scent. 

"Alpha, I'm not good enough!" Dean choked out. "I'm fucking horrible. I yelled at Darren today and I...and Jessie got into a fight at school and..." Dean's shoulders shook as he babbled. Cas turned to press a kiss to the side of his forehead. Part of Dean wanted to push him away. Yell at him and tell him to run. But he couldn't find it in himself to do so. He just laid there, shaking uncontrollably in his husband's arms. He wanted to be selfish, for one minute. Cas was too pure. Too fucking pure. 

Cas pulled him down so that they were lying down, Dean's body curled into his Alpha's side. As Dean laid there, breathing in the smell of rainwater and honeysuckles in the gentle breeze, his sobs started to die down until they dissolved into sniffles and hiccups. Cas tilted his mate's chin up so their eyes would meet and kissed his forehead again.

"Dean, look at me." Dean lifted his eyes. "You are an incredible father and mate. You are the strongest, kindest, most beautiful, and most badass person I've ever met. You've endured things not many people could, and you came out stronger than ever." 

Dean scoffed.

"Strong. Cas, I wake up every night from stupid nightmares,I'm not...I"m not fucking level-headed. I feel like I can barely hold myself together these days. Hell, I can't even go one day without having panic attacks! And..." Dean trailed off and burrowed his face back into Cas's neck.

"Do you know how hard it is to pull yourself from a panic attack? Believe me, I've had them. And they're draining. Emotionally, physically. It's dehydrating, and it's hard....and yet you pull yourself out of it, and you continue to love and care for our kids. Your heart is strong, and our kids, they love you so much."

Dean shook his head.

"Not Jessie." Dean sniffled. "She fucking hates me."

"Dean, you know Jessie doesn't mean it. She's a six-year-old; she doesn't know what _hate_ actually means. You've done nothing to make her hate you."

"I yell all the time, I get frustrated and tired, and I flip out and I just..."

"So do I, Dean. Hell, I snapped at Jessie the other day while you were at the bank. Every parent gets frustrated with their kids and grouchy. Sometimes they don't say the right things. And they're gonna make mistakes. But it's important is that you stick around, show them you love them, work every day to keep them safe and well-fed, and don't give up on them. And don't give up on yourself, either." Dean nodded his head, wiping his eyes. 

"I'm sorry about this. You come home from a long day of work and then have to put up with my bullshit." Dean let out a self-deprecating chuckle. Cas smiled.

"Dean, you're worth it. Every time. And you're my whole world." Dean grimaced. 

"Thank you, Alpha. You always know what to say." Cas smiled and turned to bury his nose in his hair. 

"I do what I can to keep you happy."

"What about you?" Dean looked up at him. Cas frowned. "What about me?"

"What about your happiness?"

Cas smiled. "You already make me happy."

Dean rolled his eyes and scoffed. "Seriously? When I'm crying and panicking and shit, I make you happy?" Cas laughed. "Well, not when you're sad. But seeing you smile. It just makes everything worth it." 

Dean shook his head and nudged his husband's side. "You're such a fucking sap."

Castiel smiled.

"But you love me, right?"

Dean pretended to think. 

"Well..." Cas lightly punched his arm. Dean snickered and snuggled closer to Cas. "But seriously, though. If it weren't for you, I don't know what would happen. At this point, I thought you'd go mad and run away or something."

Cas smirked. "You're not getting rid of me that easily, trust me. Hey, I'm gonna get us some water, okay? Be right back." Dean smiled and watched as Cas slid off of the bed and headed out into the hallway. As Dean reached for his phone to check his e-mail, he heard his door creak open. He looked up and saw Jessie standing in the doorway, wearing her pink nightgown with white floral patterns.

"Daddy?"

"Hey, sweetheart, what are you doing?" 

Jessie climbed into the bed next to him, Dean hoisting her onto his lap. 

"What's going on, baby?"

"I heard you and Papa talking, kind of. And...I just want you to know that..." Dean watched as she twisted her mouth, making that face she'd make whenever she's contemplating something. She reminded Dean so much of himself in that sense. Like him, she was emotionally constipated, but Dean guessed that was what ran in the family. Dean had never been good at expressing his emotions, neither was Sam or Dad, even before Mom's death. Dean ran his fingers through her soft blonde hair.

"You don't have to say it, sweetie. I know." She smiled at him and curled into his stomach. "Well, we gotta get you to bed. Try to see what we can do during your suspension. I—"

"Actually, daddy, can I stay with you? For a few minutes?" Dean could feel his heart melting in his chest, becoming a warm thick liquid caressing his insides as it glided over every bone in his body and filled the tips of fingers and toes. By the time Cas had entered the room, Jessie and Dean were cuddled into each other, eyes closed, Dean's strong arms wrapped around her frail little body. Cas set the glasses down on the nightstand and climbed into bed. He gave his omega and daughter a kiss before switching the light off and curling into bed. 


End file.
